Once upon a time there was a bunny who lived in a forest full of foxes. All he wanted to do was eat clover in the sunshine, but he always had to be looking over his shoulder because at any moment he may need to flee or hide. One day somebody picked up the bunny and brought him to a new meadow, one where he was safe and could enjoy a meal in peace. Only, he found he could not relax. Even though he *knew* there were no foxes there, he couldn’t let his guard down. Weeks and weeks went by, and still the bunny was very stressed. What could he do? In some ways, it was even more distressing for him now, because in the old forest his hyper-vigilance kept him alive. But now, he could tell that things were different and he kept beating himself up about why it was so hard to enjoy his new surroundings.
Sound familiar?
When we experience trauma, whether it is through a singular shocking event or from chronic fear and instability, the body continues to respond as if its life is in danger. Sometimes, this looks a lot like fear and anxiety, with a heart pounding, tunnel vision, or overthinking and worrying. For others, we may find we are angry all of the time. Still for others, it shows up in patterns of people-pleasing and overriding one’s own needs for others. Sometimes it shows up as a chronic sense of shame that is so integrated and painful that it’s hard to even identify it. And often, it shows up as a mix of all of these things.
Healing trauma allows us to let in more of the good in life.
Often we think that healing trauma involves recounting painful events over and over. And while sometimes that’s true, the end goal of healing trauma is to support the nervous system to feel safe enough to let in what’s good and different – to feel the sun on your face, take in love and kindness, and ultimately know, really know, that what happened before is over and you can relax. You will know healing is happening when you find yourself having choices in moments where before you would have gone on autopilot. Or when you find yourself noticing your body’s reaction to a trigger with a little more balance and compassion for yourself. This work can be incredibly rewarding and empowering, and even if you can’t put your finger on exactly what went wrong, or are unsure if what you experienced counts as “trauma”, it’s likely that at some point in our work together we will be looking at habitual responses that developed as a way to cope with adverse circumstances.
So, then, how do we support that bunny? With somatic experiencing, we move towards what feels good first and trust that the body knows what to do. So for the bunny, maybe it means starting out by noticing what happens as he sniffs a delicious flower and then making room for the fear that shows up. And as we support him to allow himself to feel that fear and not run away from it, his vision slowly clears and he starts to see that there’s no threat in sight. Rinse and repeat, and over time it gets easier and easier. The goal isn’t to act as if there are no more foxes – after all, there might be! – but rather, to be able to assess quickly and respond flexibly in the moment, while enjoying all that life has to offer.
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